omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
