After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
