Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
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Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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