I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
