someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
