We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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