The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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