I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
