I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
