The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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