i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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