he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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