bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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