Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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