I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
