Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
