I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
