I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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