he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
