Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
