This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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