I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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