Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
