I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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