Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
