apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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