where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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