Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
