STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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