If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
