was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
