how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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