girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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