My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
