Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
