I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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