I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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