it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
