there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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