32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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