Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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