Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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