One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
