you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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