$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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