Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
