I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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