My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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