Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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