I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
