I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
