He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
