After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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