Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
