remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
