just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
