: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
