he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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