Do you still have your period?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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